Thursday, March 27, 2014

Note: This is one of those posts that should never be published, but I'm going to publish it anyway, just in case it can help someone. But I still don't recommend reading it. 

I sit with pen in hand, journal open, thinking about the day. Nothing interesting happened. Nothing worth writing about. Or wait. There were just a couple lessons that stood out to me. (But only one am I writing about here.) As I thought my disappointment in myself grew. The times I had responded impatiently when mother needed me. These, they disappoint me every time. Whether it's time and a listening ear that she needs, or technical help, or advice on who-knows-what. It's annoying really (especially when it interferes with my own plans). But why? I've struggled with this for the past couple years especially. Sometimes I can do better (and, thankfully, those times are getting more often and longer). But as I think, as I write, I realize something. The only time I've had real success with this was when I was surrendering my time and plans to God. God has given me my time, and He's given me a passion for showing His true character to the world. There are hurting people all around me who I long to connect with God by first correcting the lies told them subconsciously. But I too easily forget, my mother is just as deserving of that service, and perhaps just as needy. So why do I get so impatient and annoyed? Because I forget. I forget that she needs it as much as anyone else. And I forget that my time is a trust from God, to be returned to Him in service however He calls. And I forget that these little annoyances are really opportunities for service.

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